a list of things i’ll never tell him
I’m sorry we mistook emotional manipulation for love.
I finished off that half-eaten apricot on your plate
on graduation day because I wanted to swallow something
that had touched your mouth.
Here’s a funny joke without a great punchline: what’s
the difference between love and a nightmare?
Nothing. They both hurt so much in the beginning
that you wish they’d end as soon as possible.
Sadness can’t be fucked out of anyone, no matter
how hard the headboard shakes.
Scars are just memories that skin holds so dear
it got them tattooed beneath the surface.
I once saw a cop give a pair of boots
to a homeless man on the street. I think that giving
you my heart was kind of like that.
My cousin’s nose always starts bleeding when
he’s around the person he likes for some reason.
If I were him and you were next to me,
my hands would be so red you couldn’t tell the difference
between them and a sunset.
Loneliness and aloneness are independent of one another.
I didn’t kiss you because I wanted to;
I kissed you because I felt an obligation to,
like writing a thank-you card for someone who’s saved
you from jumping off a building twice.
Your father would be proud of you.
Serial killers usually regret killing their victims
seconds before the lethal injection is delivered.
I only wish regretting you
were fatal too.
Loving you hurt so much I had to pull the plug
on our relationship, but I ended up
shocking myself instead. I’ll never
touch a wall socket again.
10 ways to get over him
1. Take yourself out to dinner and buy two bottles of fancy wine, then down them in gulps while you wait for the appetizers to arrive. Order the most expensive entrees; try something new-duck slathered in plum sauce, leg of lamb with fresh parsley on the side. Then smile at all the other patrons as they watch you enjoy that slice of thick, luscious chocolate cake like you used to enjoy his mouth.
2. Don’t send him any drunk texts you’d regret. Text him sober and impress him with your knowledge of legal jargon; tell him he has 24 hours to get out of your apartment before you throw his laptop out the window.
3. Leave voicemails on his machine in which all he can hear is the sound of you breathing, soft, hushed, until he has to count the seconds between pauses. Make it ten minutes long, so he has to wait until the very end of the message just to find out you never said a damn word.
4. Go outside in the middle of a lightning storm and take all your clothes off; wait for the rain to drench you and turn your face up to it, open your mouth and let it all in. Dance out there in the rain, as the lightning pulses across the sky like a heartbeat, and let all the water wash away his taste from your mouth, his hands from your body. Let them fade into the past like mistakes erased from an exam.
5. Write every single nasty thing you’ve ever wanted to say to him since the breakup on a tiny scrap of paper and shove it into a glass bottle, then throw it out to sea where it will bob over the waves for months, perhaps even years. Let your words slowly float in the middle of the wide open sea until the bottle crashes into a cluster of sharp rocks, cracks open, and your words sink to the bottom of the ocean, where they swiftly drown.
6. Go shopping, by yourself, and buy two of the hottest little black dresses you can find. Actually, buy a third one too, and make it bright red. And get a pair of heels to match. After all, who knows when they might come in handy?
7. Rip up all his mixtapes, tear them into pieces like confetti and flush them down the toilet. Make yourself a new mixtape instead, this time a revenge one. Dance to it at night when the tenants below you are asleep; let every shake of your hips be another reason why he should have stayed.
8. Realize that in a loving relationship, the boyfriend should never have a spare girlfriend for the first. Understand that you were the spare girlfriend, and that you have every right to remove someone toxic from your life.
9. Go on a roadtrip to Ohio or Washington and climb a mountain; stand at the very pinnacle and shout his name at the top of your lungs, until the wind carries it away.
10. For every photo he posts of his new girlfriend on his Facebook page, post one of your own-you, standing there smiling in your new red dress. Don’t get a fake boyfriend to pose with or hold hands with; the only person in that photo should be you. Show him you’re happier single than you ever were together.
what class did you have kim for?
alg2/trig sophomore year!
I was ready to die a violent death
+but then kim said all the boys i pick don’t match my personality type and are bad for me and i must prove him wrong
+he also said he would be offended if i didn’t invite him to my wedding
+the guy that only wear a teal or purple button up that always comes in to pelkeys room whose name i still don’t know told me that life always gets better and that was the first time that overused statement actually made me feel better
+but pelkey doesn’t fail to remind me that the end is near
+why are teachers my best friends????
+we learned about addiction today in physio and i think i might be addicted to you
+remember that scene in order of phoenix when hermione tells ron he has an emotional range of a teaspoon? sometimes i wish i had that!!!!
+anika’s excitement makes me feel all warm and happy inside
+DERP POWERS UNITE
+be prepared humZA
+on another note will someone come watch all the terrence malick films with me pls?
+Went to pervz’s house and watched Taylor Swift music videos by the fireplace and his mom made me chai+She only speaks to me in hindi and then tells me how to respond in hindi so I will become a hindi pro in about a month+Tried to sneakily fondle when she went downstairs but his sister was spying on us+Fell asleep on the couch while he worked
whAt was the point of THIS?????????
I ate a lot of oreos today
+without the cream because thats the best
+prem made a huge cream ball out of the cream i didn’t eat and put it back in between the two chocolate cookies and it was pretty gross
+he admitted he appreciates my presence though (sort of)
+kim showed me his old id cards to make me laugh cuz he definitely looked like a rapist
+pelkey said my mood hair looked extra moody today and I told him about my struggles
+and he told me stories about people with half a head and serial killer boyfriends and grandmas on shrooms
+i like to think my hair is like janie’s from their eyes were watching god
+maybe i’ll cut it all off
+it was more of a slap in the face for you than for me because you still have unreciprocated feelings but i donut care
+i’m excited for our very last fashion show
+i started sleeping on the other end of my bed because beena auntie said my head should face the south so the magnetic force of the earth won’t mess me up
+i guess its working?
+caterpie has evolved into metapod
+i want more caterpillars i’m not ready for this one to turn into a butterfly yet no stop don’t leave me
+i finally found a buddy that’ll watch human centipede and other disturbing movies with me
+my parents got a hammock for the backyard but it isn’t those lame ones that keep tipping over
+my mom has been on this redecorating spree and she painted the end of the hallway bright green and made a family tree thing and it’s pretty cool
+i can’t imagine being able to pack up this entire room and move away
+my body is sore
+there is a bruise on my leg and it’s been there for two weeks but it doesn’t hurt like a bruise and i don’t know what it is
+i want to draw pictures of your eyes forever
+and i want to cuddle in ur gloominess
+because gloomy weather makes me gloomy